Kirstyns~True love is FOREVER!

Lets see Im 21 on Saturday. Normally people will be spending it with there friends out drunk and having a blast not me though. Nope because my best friend is in California and everyone else sucks. I have to admit I am pretty upset. I understand it was a free trip for him and his sig other goes away every August... But my birthday? Are you serous? I am allowed to be a brat sometimes. Its just not fair. He knew how much this meant to me. Its so retarted he keeps saying he will make it up when he gets home but idk. I am just really really bummed. Part of it is my fault. I secluded myself in a bubble where it was just him and me. He is moving on and I am stuck in the past i guess. It just makes me feel like crap... I guess I am just a friendless POS. It just sucks because I had so many friends in college then i move home get a realy job and life blows. Grrr FML!

When am I going to get cut a break for once in my life?

This whole lj is so stupid... Glad to see i resorted to being 12 again!

If you are reading this stay in college because the real world sucks more the miss costello did with mr t

I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach...

Really trying to hold myself together this time...

Its going to be ok

The sun is shinning nice and bright and everything is so nice. Today is going to be an ubber relaxing day seeing as I will probably have to clean all day tomorrow!

Hanging out poolside hi its brandon

All done with work for the day...

Thank goodnesssss!

Off for the weekend. No plans lamee

Puppy is comming in 2 weeks yah yah =)

Heading to bed. Work 845 to 730 come and visit!

I dont care if this is lady-like or not. Let me share a peice of advise with you children =) You NEVER EVER want to work for a BANK! Sovereign bank controls my life. I am their golden child. Good in sales, awesome personality, young excitment that is contagous untttiiiilllll i get c u next tuesday customer.

This lady called flipping out today because I would not give her the account balance. Its simple knowlledge if you are not on an account i am not giving you an account balance. This lady worked for a law office so she should have known. She said she would get the owner and called me a bitch and then hung up. Well she called back and tried to say I hung up on her. Not true so after caling me a liar I told her " Mam you disconnected me after you called me the B word." Not the most mature thing but she losttt it. Talked to my manager who was not mad and understood where I was comming from. I am the lead TM on the line. No one has the right to talk to my tellers or myself like that. Just because I am twenty years old does not mean you can talk down to me. I was a little disapointed with myself because I never ever loose my temper. I wasnt yelling and i didnt swear but still confronting her with a smart ass comment wasnt the best decision. It was either that or cry. Grrrrr i just want my desk already god peopleeee. How am i supposed to be a corporate mongrol if i cant get off of being head teller?

I acted like a kid monday night. Made out with this kid just to spite this little spoiled twit. He was an awful kisser but just to see her face was priceless. Then I heard Li talking about me and i was sooo mad. Im sure being queen of flip cup didnt help the situation at all but none the less I had a huge stomach ache all day tuesday ( Was up till 3 and worked 745 to 530) And decided I love sleeping and not having a bad bad stomach ache more then drinking. When am I going to learn? No alchol till the big 21 in AUGUST haah watch out world!

Andrews home and its back to life as I know it =)

That boy was so not boyfriend material... He doesnt even bite the bottom lip... What a bad kisser.

Hmm... What to write about. I think I am going to start updating everyday. Not for the enjoyment of everyone else but more because my doctor said i need to relieve and stress and what better way then through writing? Todays topic of conversation... Summer. I want to know how the hell this little bitchs can find time to go to the beach, hang out, do whatever else they do, and still stay in shape. Between work and the gym I dont have time for anything else really. I wish i had parents who just supported me and paid for college and let me not work. Its so stupid and can be so fustrating i just want to screammm. I yearn for summertime. I want that close knit group of friends who like to chill and throw back a couple of beers... Idk.

I think i may have an anxiety problem. I let stress get to me so bad thats its making me physically sick. Idk idk idk i just want to screammmm.

I am really starting to regret a lot of decisions in my life. I always had such high expectations for myself. I would go to an awesome college, get awesome grades, have an awesome boyfriend, and when i graduated get an awesome job. None of this has been true. Found the college of my dreams could afford it and got sick which caused me to get OK grades. Had what I thought to be an awesome boyfriend but ended up being a cheating dog that will forever ruin my life. Last but not least now I work a dead end job that sucks. SUCKS... and I live at home. For some reason my anxiety has been through the ROOF. I just get panic attacks out of no where. I think its because of stress but I am debating seeing a doctor. Some days are good some days suck and all i can do is pretend to be OK. I am just like all the other losers from Pembroke High School with no college. I know I will get back someday but what about now? All my friend are at school. Now I have to go through this whole college application thing again. I am just so frustrated with life. I used to believe that we all had a plan but if that's so god must really hate me. I am so glad that no one reads these anymore... I read somewhere that writing is a good cope for anxiety. We shall see... I just want to be happy. Why is that so hard?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Taylore swift Love Story

So... I log in today off a whim and I find my friends page lit up with ghosts of the past... It really inspired me to write... Its really interesting to read everyone journals because well it really all starts to pull together. This part of our life is so weird. I don't think right now anyone is truly happy. We are all in some weird awkward place and yet all united through our awkward pasts.

Looking back I can not believe some of the memories. I miss them but at the same time I don't. I can not believe how much of a drama queen I was omg was I ridiculous. How you guys didn't hate me I will never ever know... Its also interesting to see how far we have all come. To think that these people I have not hung out with/ spoken to/ seen were once my life. Sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better, sometimes for both. Growing up is so hard and much worse then High School. Relationships come and go but friends are forever? Haha thats the stupidest saying ever. Sometimes I think friends come and go worse then relationships. Relationships are so weird in general. When they end everything is so different. Why is it that out of no where emotions change. That people grow apart?

Do we have soul mates? Who knows... The romantic side of me would love to say yes. But I have had my heart ripped out stomped on and thrown away. Yet love is amazing because slowly it starts to beat and get its color back and takes form. You always have those marks but it just allows you to love deeper and more real. Its leaving the past behind that is the worst part. That really makes you cringe and loose your appetite.

"its better to have loved and lost then to never had loved at all." I actually agree with this its better to have those emotions and those memories then to have nothing.If you didn't have memories you could never mature.

Coming of age is often used to describe novels... Timeless. At this point in our lives we are coming of age. We are searching for acceptance whether that be socially or intellectually. Its such a crazy concept.

We all have come so far and have so far to go. Im not really sure what I meant by this journal... I guess i just started typing and thinking...

Current Mood: thoughtful

Out of the hospital and home again.

My Kidneys hate my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee :(

So much work to catch up on

Thinking about medically with drawing this semester ...

Who knows?

For once Im at peace with myself
Ive been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
Im movin on

Ive lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but theyre always the same
They mean no harm but its time that I face it
Theyll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I dont belong
Im movin on

Im movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know theres no guarentees, but Im not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I was going through all my stuff from High school and this song came on the radio. Looking back I had some of the best times in the world. I thought I had the best friends that I would have forever... Haha just shows my immaturity. My group was nothing more then a joke and I am OK with that. The only person who has remained constant and always will is Andrew. If my loans don't go through I am home next semester... Scary thought. But, I will find my way... I hope. I mean mom could use my help. I just do not want to get stuck back in High School. I have grown up so much...I will be fine... I am moving on...

I figured I would start writing again... Seems to be the new trend all over again. For ounce in my life I wish I was a boy. I wish I had the emotional capability to get over a guy as fast as they get over girls. I dated mike for 7 months and gave him the most precious part of myself that only one person can have. We broke up and I still can not get over him.

It has been LIKE 8 months since we brok up. WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY am I still hung up on him. I went to a halloween party last night and he came up. Apparently he is hooking up with a lot of girls now. I can not do that because I am ugly. Not that he isnt but girls are more desperate. It just was the lowest selfesteem hit in my life :( I just want to be able to move on and I cant... No one understands.

I always considered myself a strong person. Did not always make the best decisions but, a strong person never the less. But this is just proving otherwise. I want to be happy. I am sick and tired of not being happy... I have grown up so much. I am making something of myself. I made mistakes when i was younger. My heart is still broken and I do not think I will ever be able to love again in my life...

My life is pretty amazing right now :)

Except the fact that I am fat :( But whatever I have been huge my whole life lol

I am going to be a camp councilor in Duxburry this summer :)

Free room and board and then 2200 dollars for the summer :) Pretty good my friends :) I can not wait. Semester is almost over. I want to go home so I can be healthy again. First I have to get through hell week :)

Spring fling was this week. I drank so much and I hope I never drink that much ever again in my lifeeeeee. It was so fun. I met a boy... But i am over it :) Haha oh drunken hookups. Whatever your only young once.

The charges were dropped. Or they will be dropped after Saturday when I do the park clean up. What a learning experience that was. I will see all you soon!

<3 always

Kirstyn

Ps) I am RHA Vice president next year :)Haha going to a leadership confrence for a week. Also I am switching majors. Call me 1-339-832-7654 :)

Current Location: Library
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Buy you a drank

Good job, Trevor! Now I have to post this.

Comment and
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. I'll tell you a song that reminds me of you.
9. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal

I GOT CAST IN BAY BOY!

THAT IS RIGHT I GOT A NAMED CHARACTER IN A HARTT SCHOOL SHOW AS A FRESHMEN AND THE PART HAS SOLO SINGING LINES. I DIDNT EVEN GET CAST IN MUISICALS IN HIGH SCHOOL HAHA! Ohh this is so glorious :)

Mike and I broke up :(

I feel like I am going to die of a broken heart

Bat boy auditions tonight :) Hopefully I can get in...

Christmas or I should say Holiday break is winding down to a close. I am cleaning up all my stuff and packing for my return to school tomorrow. I am excited but at the same time nervous as all hell :)Over all I have had a pretty amazing break. It has been fun and I have seen a lot of people. Kayla and I have become wicked close.I can honestly say she is my best girlfriend. I have done things I have never done before this break. I dyed my hair, did something I can never talk about, and all around just had fun. My new years was really interesting as it always is. Mom got released from the hospital and I quit stop and shop. I think I learned a lot in college and I am not as dependent on other people. I love my life right now. I am super excited to go back to school and get really good grades. I am motivated. I also can not wait for RA training and to hold my black and white affair :)All in all sweet vacation and now it is time to go back to my dream world :)

I am so happy right now. Everything is perfect. I have my first senate meeting today :) Oh the excitment. Mike suprised me last night. I was sitting in the Hawks Nest last night grabbing a later dinner with Sammy because we both had to do the alchol edu thing. Asha came with us too now that i think about it. So we are sitting there and talkinf girl talk and I hear Asha say omg. I turned around and there was Mike! His Uncle had dies over the holiday and he was going to stay till Tuesday but he decided to head back last night :)It was amazing. We all watched super star and played poker and he stayed over and we cuddled. He is such a great guy and he seems to really like me alot .I cant help but smile lol. Its so crazy how diffrent college is. Kids call me beautiful and i cant believe it. I mean I never really thought I was pretty but apparently i am gorgeous and it is extremly influenced by my personality. I really like college .I like the freedom. I like to be able to stay up till one and just laugh .I feel like I am at the top of the world. Which, makes me a little more skeptical because usually when things get this good they go down hill. But, Like my mom said maybe it is my turn to be happy. I just found out I have midterms the week of bucks wedding so I wont be able to make the reahersal dinner. I hope they understand. I feel so bad but I really really cant miss midterms. I want visitors from home so if anyone feels like comming up to Hartford jsut let me know!

MWAUHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ;

Kirstyn

So college made a complete turn around... I love it...Reasons...

1) I have a boyfriend who like me alot. His name is mike and he is super genuine and a former hartt school kid. He makes me laugh and thats so cool. He is comming home soon to meet my parentals...
2)My friends
3) classes

TBC

I am at college

I dont really like it.

I miss my room

I miss my shower

I miss my friends

Hopefully it will get better

If not well its gonna b a long year